I am scared of everything.
I’m scared of the random objects that my sister randomly throws at me, I jump and somtimes screech. I’m scared when I walk around a corner as see someone right in front of me when I thought nobody was there.
But other than simple stuff like that, I’m still scared of tons of stuff. In other words, I am the reincarnation of the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.
There are the fears that I tell people about. They’re pretty minor, but sometimes put me on edge. Like bridges, waves, the ocean, airplanes, cliffs, etc.
Then there are the fears that I hide inside. Like my fears of being alone, the dark, drowning, and men, and getting deep into the last one: being harassed, raped, trapped, or stalked by a man, and due to previous bad experiences: a boy simply finding me attractive or flirting with me, or being alone in the same room with a guy will make me scared and uncomfortable.
It got to be such a huge problem that I went back to my psychologist, along with other reasons, to try and do something about it. Now I can mostly ignore the bad feelings, but whenever I get bad vibes from a guy, I start getting super uncomfortable.
Of course the problem existed for about a year and a half before I really told anyone other then my best friend (Whale). She’s the one who helped me pin it down as androphobia, even though mine was super minor compared to what it could be.
What I’m really proud of myself for is even though I was cowardly for a long time, not telling anyone about the fear and letting it worsen, I eventually did tell my mom and then my psychologist. Which really helped. I was brave in a different way. Instead of facing the problem head on, I asked for help.
Asking for help is one of the bravest, and hardest, things to do. That is one of the lessons that I have had to learn over and over. Asking for help is not surrendering, but it is a battle strategy. Two minds is always better than one, and asking for it never makes you a loser. It makes you look stronger, by admitting that you can’t go on alone.
Even though I’m a cowardly lion when it comes to a lot of things, I’m going to try and be brave more often. Not to stand up to my fears, but to ask for help in overcoming them. All I need is a little push and a cheer from the sidelines.